What a frustrating weekend on many, many levels.

On Sunday, I had plans to do something in the afternoon, so Matt and I  decided to take the dogs on a quick and easy hike in the morning. It was so nice outside, we had to let them be a part of it.


After going down to the marina, we pulled off the road for an easy hike up to the Old Dillon Reservoir. The  views are breathtaking and there is a calm little pond that the dogs can swim in.  


In my sprint up the mountain, I tripped over a rock and completely rolled my ankle.  


So here I sit.  

I did not get any pictures on our hike because I only went about half way up. arrrrggghhh!  Am I going to be able to do anything all summer? I have never sprained my ankle in all my years of being upright. That includes my wild trips to Mazatlan during spring break back in the day.  How did I make it back in one piece then yet I somehow manage to trip over a 2 inch rock completely sober? I want to cry. Feelin sorry for myself. Boo-hoo.


Here is a description of the trail from the Town of Dillon website.

The .75 mile trail begins at an elevation of 9,066 feet and ends at an elevation of 9,193 feet, with a highest elevation of 9,203 feet. The elevation gain is +127 feet. The trail difficulty is rated EASY. This trail is used for multiple activities, including hiking, mountain biking, snowshoeing and nordic skiing so please respect other users. 

Here is view of the lake (not taken by me):



Why do I have to be such a spaz? I really, really need my ankle to function the way it is supposed to. It is an important part of my life. I pretty much use it every day. I want to work on my yard or do something with my dogs. Matt and I  bought flowers and trees to plant, but I am stuck on my bootie.

Matt said: "Well you can still do women's work. A lot of it is on your hands and knees."


He is just saying that because he knows that I can't run after him. I am really trying to figure out a way to kick him with only one fully functioning leg.  Wasn't there a scene like that in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail?" That gives me a good idea about what I should watch on Netflix. It is not wasting time, it is "blog research" or a study on "marital conflict resolution." One of those.


To make matters worse, I saw these little girls riding down my street on unicycles while wearing flip-flops. I am not even lying. Now that takes coordination.



I would not be so mad if I had hurt my ankle doing something cool like unicycling or bungee jumping. Regular old sober walking/falling is not a very good story. FYI: everyone in my neighborhood is super athletic (including the kids apparently).  So I will really need to make up a good story. Either that or move somewhere where all the peeps are mega couch potatoes. I am thinking Houston.

But don't you worry my pretties.  I have a laptop and can still blog.  So there! And I can bark orders at Matt. I haven't sprained my tongue after all. 

Yes, I know it is summer and all,  but I have something wintery to share with you. What can I say, my inspiration is season-blind.

If you can't tell by my non-talk blabber about snow and snow and more snow, I live in a ski resort area. And when I say "ski" I really mean "snowboard." Yes, I am one of those. An old one of those.




I grew up skiing, but did not learn to snowboard until I was in my 30's (I am currently 41 in case you are curious). Trust me, it was not easy or without both physical and mental pain. I felt like such a dumb ass riding up the bunny lift with all the little rug-rats. I could feel them sticking their little tongues out at me.  I am certain the older ones were flipping me off under their tiny mittens.





Anway,  if you have ever tried to snowboard, you will be amazed by this little show off (and the reason for my off-season post).




Brat! But it is giving me ideas about Murphy and a chihuahua snowboard lesson next winter. Do you think I would have to buy him a pass?


Oh well. This is more my speed.



I know I look innocent and all, but I was really breaking the law in the above photo.  Matt has got me involved in the criminal sport of hot-tub crashing. Fo real.  There are tons of resorts that have fabulous pool areas that we like to crash.  Put a couple of cocktails in a sippy cup and off we go.  Local teens are always getting in trouble doing this sort of thing, but no one ever expects the "wealthy" looking middle aged couple (I bring my fake Louis V. as a prop).  It is one of the few instances it pays to be old! Oh, and to Lorraine: I don't want to be featured in one of your Monday Morals Question. I know it is wrong. I just can't help myself. 

It is Tuesday and the wild windstorm that took down two of our 50 foot lodgepole pines yesterday is over.  I will have to post on those events later when I am not so mad about it all.

Let's hop on my blog express and take a quantum leap instead. That should cheer me up.

Ready?

My mom took this picture before church.  Don't we look like extras on the set of the Brady Bunch? I love my dad's aviator glasses. He was too cool. Back then, my brother had a mini dirt-bike, my sister had an easy bake oven and I inflicted my will on everyone else. I was the littlest one but the best at getting attention.

These were the good old days before David came into this world with the intent of taking away my spotlight. Um, excuse me. I am meant to be adored with my Shirley Temple curls and dimples. All eyes on me, please. Life is cruel. I begged my mom to take him back to the hospital.

Don't you love our dresses? Throughout all the ups and downs in life, my mom always made sure we had the cutest clothes. Almost any occasion called for a new dress. Friend's 6th birthday party? New dress.  Piano recital? New dress.  Grandma is coming to visit? New dress.  Funeral? New dress. First day of school? New dress. School play? New dress. And on and on and on. I remember my childhood in terms of what dress I was wearing.

My mom made sure we had the latest footwear fashions as well.  A couple of years after this picture was taken I was in first grade. In Oklahoma, the elementary school kids annually re-enact the great Oklahoma land rush.  We were to dress as pioneers on that day.  We were supposed to wear boots. I knew when my mom sent me to school wearing a pair of white patent leather go-go boots that it somehow wasn't right.  Yet, no one seemed to notice my Granny Clampet meets Goldie Hawn look. It was on that playground that I learned one of the most useful fashion truisms to be known. No matter how ridiculous your outfit, wear it with confidence and people will think you are hip.  This was 25 years before Sex and the City. Thanks Mom!

I saw so many ridiculous stories this weekend that I am starting to believe in all the 2012 hype.  What in the wide world of the wide world is going on people? I mean really.  Let's recap shall we?

Yes, the  famous weight watcher no success story is back in the news.  She was caught on tape trying to sell access to Prince Whatshisbutt for $750k.  I mean really, I can't even remember the guy's name. Do you think someone is going to pay that kind of cash just to have access to him?  Stupid.

Oh, and very Un-Duchessy in my opinion.



2. Tattoo Lip.  You may not have heard of him yet,  but I am sure he will make the cover of The Smoking Gun this week.  He is a local Denver home burglar. Rocky mountain high indeed!



Um, Anthony darling, if you are going to be a burglar, you might think about getting the tattooed words "East Side" and the number "13" removed from your face.  Are those directions to your house?  I am shocked you were caught.

Oh,  and he was caught robbing an Elvis impersonator. Not cool Anthony. Matt and I were married by an Elvis impersonator as featured here (but probably not this particular impersonator as we were married in Vegas). Whatever! You don't mess with the King.


3. LOST.  I did not actually watch the finale.  I tried to watch episode 2 of the 1st season but I was so damn confused, I gave up. It sounds like that was a good call.  Everyone all over the internets is crying about the ending. I don't know what happened,  but I am going to go ahead and assume it was stupid. 


 Don't feel bad if you wasted the last 6 years of your life watching this show only to be led to utter disappointment.  I felt the exact same way about Gilligan's Island. There never was a resolution. Do they ever get off the island?  Did the Professor finally design an invention that works the way it is supposed to without Gilligan screwing it up? Did the Skipper and Ginger finally do it? I was so mad I never found out! I wasted 12 years of my life people. Of course I now know I was watching reruns over and over all those years. At the time, it was very confusing. Sometimes it was in black and white and sometimes it was in color. What can I say? We didn't have Google back in the day. I grew up in the informational dark ages. How was I to know?

UPDATE: Perez Hilton just posted about tattoo lip. He must read my blog : )

Looking forward to more stupid crap,

Ya'll know what a bad-ass Murphy is right? Whenever we go out he has to be on leash because he likes to try to kick all the other dog butts.  He really is a maniac.Well, he can finally settle his 6lb self down because he is officially king of our hood. He is now cruisin around big pimpin style.


Let me explain and tell you why I am so stinking excited.  You may or may not know that I have a "garage sale list."  This is a list of things that I want, but only if I can get a crazy good deal. About 5 years ago we bought a tandem bike (on our list) for $75 at a garage sale. We absolutely love, love, love  our bike.  We love to cruise around the lake or ride to Keystone or down Vail pass. It is the coolest.  I am pretty sure all my neighbors are jealous of us when they see us peddling around.  A word of warning before you rush out and buy one:  our good friends,Tim and Nancy, bought a super high dollar tandem two years ago and absolutely hate it. They call it the "divorce machine."

Back to us. The thing we do not like is leaving our pooches locked up in the house while we are out riding around. We have tossed around the idea of getting one of those baby bike wagons to ride down to the lake with our critters and fishing poles.  Murphy can hike like a champ but he obviously cant keep up with a bike. Cali can, but she is 12 and is slowing down a little bit. We officially put the cart on our garage sale list last year.  I have looked and looked but have never found one that I like for the right price until this weekend. WOO-HOO. I got a high quality baby dog cart for $75. This thing retails for like $500. I am super duper glad that it is a name-brand fancy model. Mr. Handsome Pants (that would be Murph) does not like to slum it in K-mart crap.  Standards people. My chihuahua has em.

To see other yard sale finds this week, clicky here.

Last year we built a fire pit. We spent countless hours outside roasting food and drinking cocktails by the fire. Now that it is merely snowing every other day, we are once again busting out the gourmet s'mores fixins and boxed wine.

Chase brought home a box of Honey Grahams and guess what?

Some genius at Nabisco decided to shrink my graham. I know there are foreclosures left and right and the unemployment rate is at 50% and Bernie Madoff's wife pissed away a third of our nation's GNP on handbags, but this shrinkage is a sure sign that the world is in real financial crisis. Wait until I tell the tea partiers about this nonsense at our next meeting.  I am sure Obama is to blame. 


Wait, was it my imagination?

I googled it and the internets don't lie people. Those sneaky bastards did indeed shrink my graham.

This observant consumer knows what I am talking about.


Did they think I would not notice?  My scientific s'more formula is now in the toilet. All that work perfecting my Cadbury to marshmallow to cracker ratio was all a big waste o' time. F me.






And don't get me started on their "whole grain" formula.  Despite being labeled a cracker, Mr. Graham and Mr. Animal, you are both cookies. Stop trying to be healthy.





Oh, and as you may have guessed I did not have anything to blog about really, I just could not stand seeing Paris Hilton's skanky behind in my face when I pulled up my site.

Have a great weekend!

Target ad


All right all you mommy bloggers, do you approve?


If so, do you approve of this as well?




I swear I cannot take it. At what age is it okay for your kid to start being a skank?

PS:  I hear Pampers is coming out with a line based on this look (buy two packs, get a coupon for a free baby belly ring and a pack of Virginia Slims). Stay tuned.




 Trying to stay sane,

I am in a crappy mood today. It is snowing again and my work is driving me crazy. Luckily, I found this blog-hop to participate in. It is a place where I can safely tell the world to suck it. Not you, of course. I am mainly talking about these three fools.



1. Kelly Preston is allegedly pregnant. Uh, look hag, you are 47 (no offense to non-Scientologist ladies in their late 40s who are not with child). You pretty much killed your last kid with all your Scientology nonsense. No more please. Unfit. I don't care if you can afford 10 nannies.Your son had severe autism, he was not overrun by body thetans. All the auditing in the world and prayers to Xenu could not help him. It not only hurt him, it probably killed him.  You do not need to be on the cover of People Magazine, you need to be in a psych ward!

2. Our brilliant District Attorney is charging two ladies with felony impersonation for switching numbers during a bike race. He is the genius behind the Kobe Bryant waste of time prosecution and he also once charged a guy with a felony for throwing a snowball at a acquaintance (among other ridiculous things). Term limits are a good thing.

From 9 News (Denver). I am not including their full names because the whole thing is BS.


One racer, Katie B. , allegedly entered her name in the 40 to 49 year old women's heat, but had 36-year-old Wendy L.race for her. L. then took second place for B.. . . It is not like the racers were trying to win prize money, cash prizes are not awarded in the Leadville 100. Everyone who finishes gets the same thing: a Leadville Trail 100 silver belt buckle. District Attorney XXX  XXXX (editors note: I am X-ing his name out since I am sure he googles himself every day and I practice law here. I don't want to be on his shit list) says he still had to file charges. "I'm not sure of their motives either, but they did assume another persons identity, and one person gained a benefit from that," XXXXX said. It means both women are now facing felony charges for criminal impersonation, but will likely get that knocked down to a lesser charge.




If they did something so awful why are you reducing the charges, Mr. XXXX?  If it is not a big deal, why are you even charging them at all?  I smell a big fat media whore.

Now that his term is coming to an end, he is going to run for state office of some sort. Quit sucking on the public tit and get yourself real job a-hole.

3. Haiti let Laura Silsby, a whacko, "religious" child snatcher/baby seller out of jail. If she was stealing white babies somewhere, she would be in the pokey for the rest of her life. She will probably write a book saying God was directing her, sell it to the Palin crowd and become a millionaire. I hope I run in to her someday so I can taser her ass.

.

There you have it people, my top three irritants of the moment.

Have a sane day,

Matt and I went to breakfast at the Arapahoe Cafe last Sunday and I talked him into stopping by the FIRC thrift store afterward. It is only a block a way after all. 

It must have been my lucky day. Remember how I mentioned that I needed a pasta maker? Well there it was. For under $4.00.

It looked like it was in pretty decent shape.


I googled it and this baby sold for $200 in 1989.  Chase was born in 1989. That was a good year. Well, except for my hair, clothes and makeup.



Yes, he had a high chair. We were at a hotel in this photo. Don't judge. Well, you can judge my hair. How could you not?

Back to the pasta:


 
I gotta tell you, I was thoroughly entertained watching the pasta come out. That was worth the $4 by itself.




It is a pretty sophisticated piece of equipment. It even dries the pasta as it comes out.




It turned out okay but not as good as the handmade pasta from a few weeks ago. It was on the soggy side.  Any ideas about what I did wrong?

Linking to Blogeritaville for Thrifty Thursday and to Southern Hospitality.