This last week I have been AWOL from the blogosphere. I have a new internet obsession. And hopefully, it will help me lose my big blog ass. The one I have from sitting on my butt all day and talking smack over the netwaves.

You:  WHAT YOU TALKIN BOUT, SEXY ?? I love you just the way you are.

Me:  Of course you do, but that is because we are virtual friends and you don't have to watch my thighs jiggle. 

See it goes like this. Matt really wants to go to Cozumel for two weeks this winter. Of course that sounds spectacular. Sign me up. I am ready.

Oh, helz no. I am not. If I dare to put on a bathing suit in a foreign country INTERPOL will surely issue a warrant for my arrest for all kinds of crimes against humanity. Seriously, this summer when I went to put on my fatty shorts, I could not get them buttoned.  I wanted to cry.  So I had this great plan.  I would just take my dogs on a couple extra walks and that would solve all my problems. Surely that would cancel out the barrels of  red wine and gallons of popcorn popped in coconut oil that I live for. Well guess what? That plan failed miserably and I actually got fatter!  How did that happen??

I needed some serious intervention my friends.  So I remembered this website http://www.livestrong.com/ that tracks calories and what-not.  Well anyway, it has gotten so much easier to use and it has become my new obsession. I have to share it with you.

oh and guess what peeps? IT IS FREE!!! My favorite.

First the boring part:

You can set your calorie goals (or it will set it for you based on your stats).  I set mine at the lowest possible (to keep me from fainting) because I am impatient. Then you start tracking.

  
The site knows the contents of almost every food product imaginable.


It keeps track of the nutritional breakdown.


And makes it easy to see exactly where you are at any given moment.



And you can see how you are doing historically.


Now,  on to the fun part. The part that makes me feel like I am starring in my very own video game.  It uses google maps for the coolest thing ever.

Below, I have mapped out my favorite dog walk from my house that I do on a regular basis. It the EXACT route even  through the woods!  The little green numbers are mile markers. I never knew how far it was.  I always thought it was 5 miles.  It is not.



I have dubbed this route the "super looper" and have saved it as one of my regular routes.  The site breaks the super looper down for me.

How cool is that? BTW, it takes me so long because Murphy has to stop and pee on every third tree that we pass.

It even keep track of my elevation.

Here is my big bike ride on Sunday (in map view) which gave me a big calorie deficit.  "Calorie deficit" is a new concept for me : )  Yes,  that is really a 20 mile marker.


Here is another view of the end of the same route.

And another.

I can't get enough!  Especially when I see stats like this.

Of course everyday is not a 1200 burner.

But, I am happy with something like this.


You should check it out.  It is super easy to use.

That's all for now. I will keep you posted on my results.


I am off to do some work and a workout and maybe a (tiny) bit of blog reading.

Date: August 27, 2010
To: Citizens of the United States of America
From: Lex Loci Lori
Re: Collective Federal Restraining Order
____________________________________________

Maybe I spend to much time online looking at the wrong news sources (popeater, dlisted, ohnotheydidn't,  tmz and newser ) but I am constantly bombarded by a few idiots that seriously make me want to become a cutter.

I got to thinking that maybe I can file a petition in court for a collective federal restraining order to keep these fools out of the public eye. Sure there are real legal issues that I can research and actually get paid, but I consider this a very important public service. Seriously. Consider this pro bono legal research. I am doing this for the good of America, people!

On to my argument:



1. The entire Lohan family needs to be restrained from the entire air and web waves.

Let's start with Papa Lohan.

I read this morning that he wants to open a rehab.  What??? Look, I will make it real easy Michael. I promise to quit drinking if you promise to quit showing me your damn nipples.Quid pro quo.

Mama Lohan is just as bad and needs to be stopped. I am certain you all saw the crap come flying out of her mouth in her interview with Matt Lauer.

If not, here you go.




I don't even have to get into discussing the kids. ORDER GRANTED!!


2. Kate Gosselin is inflicting mental illness on Amercia.  She is causing me to become a compulsive hand washer to try to rid myself of skank.

For my evidence, I submit the following:

The outfit she chose to wear to take her kids pole dancing back to school shopping.



Seriously, WTF?? Kate, honey, someday you will look back on these photos and cringe the way I did.  You can't undo it dear, but you can stop it from happening again.

ORDER GRANTED!

3. And finally, for the  high crime of making the United States of America collectively dumber every single time we are exposed to them,  I propose that we try for treason and deport the following 3 ring circus clowns.









I don't want any of you to dance with the stars, become my queen or show me your private bits. Please just go away and leave us all alone.

Respectfully submitted,

Summer is winding down here in Summit County. Today is the first day of school already (not that I have school age kids).  We got a lot of play packed into this past weekend and tried to enjoy what we have left of the season.

We started out the weekend by going out to dinner for our anniversary Friday night --- even  though there was a band playing and people were getting down, after we ate, we promptly came back home, put on sweats and watched TV. Yes, we are super exciting! Try not to be too jealous.

Saturday, we took one of our favorite trails down to the lake. Except, most of the trail is now a road. A forest service road for logging.


Our area has been hit hard by a pine beetle infestation. The beetles are actually killing trees all across North America. There are hundreds of thousands of acres of dead trees.  We have lost 40 in our yard in the last three years.

Tomorrow is my anniversary. Matt and I were married on August 20, 2004 in Sin City.

Reflecting on that time, I'll never forget that Nicky Hilton was married in Las Vegas the very same week as me (which was during the height of all the Hilton Sister Hysteria).



Which got me thinking,   Who else got married in 2004 and are they still married?